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Bags: The Hottest Accessory
Dress up to go out today and chances are with your shoes and jacket, you'll be grabbing a bag of sorts, be it a tote, purse, gym bag or laptop bag. In fact, it is impossible to envision the modern day man or woman without a bag of some kind. Even children are leaning the importance of carrying a bag – on a long car trip, to school and even to the library or store.
But the bag is so much more than just a means to carry money, a cell phone, keys and assorted items in it. It is a fashion statement, which says – this is who I am, and this is my style. By her teens, a girl would have accumulated at least 5 different kinds of bags, more if she loves to dress up. Similarly, teenage boys will generally have a case to carry their laptop and schoolbooks in, and a messenger bag or backpack for the rest of their activities.
A few generations ago, bags were not about fashion but more about practicality. They were used to accommodate a wallet, makeup and car keys. Cell phones were nonexistent and no one could conceive of the need for extra padded protection to secure a laptop. It was also inconceivable to change a purse everyday- fashionable purses were left as part of eveningwear.
It was only in the 1950's that bags and handbags in particular began to make a fashion statement, as celebrities and film stars in particular began carrying them as accessories. Beautiful, elegant bags from design houses like Chanel, Luis Vuitton and Hermes were introduced and suddenly, everyone wanted a designer bag. These bags were often unaffordable to the masses, making them an even more sought after commodity.
Over the years, technology and design innovation has meant that bags now come in a variety of shapes, styles, and even material. Think faux fur, faux reptile skin, recycled plastic bottles, leather, and even waterproof canvas. Along with it, embellishments and accessories have become part of the new look. And the fake bag, which was mass-produced, offered brand name replicas at street prices.
Yet there were plenty of innovative designers who felt the need to create something unique, hard to replicate and yet affordable to the public. One such designer was Ishai Halmut who launched Zipit Zipper Bags brand in 2003, creating trendy and innovative fashion pieces that appeal to everyone.
And while it might be safe to say that women's handbags have taken center stage when it comes to fashion accessories, can men's bags be far behind? The laptop case and messenger bag have been updated and renovated with fresh new looks and colors. Being a man doesn't mean your fashion has to be boring. Rugged, worn leather satchels might still be popular amongst a certain crowd, but the new lighter laptop bags make going to work a breeze. Functionality is only a key element in a man's bag and these new styles and designs combine looks with practicality. Zippered compartments provide ample space to store accessories securely, while bright color palettes allow you to move away from traditional blacks and browns.
Fashion is a personal statement. Online shopping at stores like Zipit Zipper Bags ensures you make the choice that's right for you.
About the Author
All Inclusive Marketing Inc (AIM) is a Vancouver BC based internet marketing company offering specialist services in online marketing. Zip It is the official manufacturer of the world famous Zip It Bags for men, women and children.
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Tube Fool Software Review
Thanks for your time and reading my Tube Fool Software Review. My name is Duncan MacGibbon and on behalf Mark Dulisse and Alex Goad creators of Tube Fool Software here is my detail review.
So basically Tube Fool is a very unique piece of software that will help you get more views onto your You Tube videos. The software will let you gather information from any user of You Tube like subscribers, friends and commentators and then just working in the background you will be able to request the software to do some of this actions: Friend Request, Subscribe and Share Video.
Mark and Alex have been working during the last month or so with this software and they have included more cool features and upgrades to the software. I was able to buy Tool Fool back in November 2010 so the version I'm using at the moment is not upgraded yet.
We are all waiting for the 1st of Feb to get a copy of this amazing software that will help you generate an empire inside your You Tube accounts. I will update this review page with a insiders video so you know exactly what to expect before you decided or not to buy this product.
More about Tube Fool Software!
In November 2010 Alex Goad and Mark Dulisse released a course called Dominating Video; as part of that product launch they also gave away a software tool called Tube Fool.
This small but powerful tool is used to draw traffic and visitors to your youtube videos. There are numerous testimonials from people (including me) who joined their Dominating Video program and had great success using Tube Fool.
To this end Mark has taken Tube Fool, refined it and added a whole raft of extra functions and options that many of the customers of Dominating Video suggested and requested and turned it into a must have application for any serious Video Marketer.
Please let me run you through exactly what you will be getting if you decide to invest in Tube Fool.
Included in Tube Fool is the software, which has been greatly enhanced since it was given away during the Dominating Video product launch, and also a video series detailing all the functions and best practices for using Tube Fool.
The software allows you to easily search users and video on YouTube so that you may then use the Tube Fool software to promote your own videos.
There are four ways in which you can search for users on YouTube that could be interested in your Video promotions
1. By other users friends - this method involves finding a video that matches your promotion and then the software will harvest all the other users that are friends of that user.
2. By other users subscribers - this involves targeting a particular users channel and the software will retrieve a list of users that are subscribed to their channel so of course you would target users with a video that matches your target audience.
3. By user channel commentators - this is a particularly powerful user collection method because the software will collect all the user names of people who have commented on the video that you have chosen to target. The reason that this is powerful is because these people have already shown that they are active by making a comment on YouTube so they may be more receptive to viewing your video and perhaps taking a look at your associated offer.
4. By keyword - this involves using targeted keywords and the software will then go out and find users channels that have a reference to your keyword.
The collection of YouTube users is the first stage of operations in the Tube Fool software process. From my testing I can tell you that it is very fast at collecting this information. I managed to collect over 900 users that could be interested in my video and associated promotion in a little over 2 minutes.
The second stage is to now execute YouTube operations to draw attention to your video's.
This is achieved in three ways:
1. By processing friend requests to the list of targeted users you have collected in stage one.
2. By subscribing to the user channels from the list of users you have collected in stage one.
3. By sharing your video with the users in the list you have collected in stage one of using the Tube Fool software.
All of this is designed to draw attention to your videos and your video channel where you will hopefully have set up the channel profile and video descriptions to attain the best possible chance of converting some of these people into customers.
Tube Fool is preset to operate within the acceptable parameters that YouTube allows as far as timing between operations or requests go so you don't have to worry about your account getting into any trouble. There are also options to filter the list of users you have collected with a variety of parameters.
Once you have your list of targeted users it is then merely a case of selecting the users you would like to target with one of the three available options and then let Tube Fool work in the background whilst you carry on with other work.
Along with the software there are also training videos covering the following areas to help you make the most of the Tube Fool software.
1. YouTube Channel Video Tutorials
2. YouTube Traffic Video Tutorials Using Tube Fool
3. YouTube List Building Video Tutorials
4. YouTube Monetization & Conversion Methods Video Tutorials
What you respond to the sociopath has to be non-threatening or challenging. You need to give and take as much information as you can in order to get him thinking and let your strategy come into play. You also have to defuse the situation by using verbal tactics; this will allow you to assume control without making the sociopath aware of your intentions.
When speaking of self-defense in the martial arts, most people often associate the act to a physical one. This is a common and widespread misconception, for self-defense is not only a physical act but a psychological and emotional one as well. Since self-defense is sixty percent psychological, twenty five percent emotional and only fifteen percent physical, it is needless to say that verbal defusing in confrontation plays an imperative role in the ability to defend one's self.
Unfortunately, many, for various reasons, ignore the psychological aspect of fighting. Ignorance, emotional variables and self-destructive behaviors such as ego, pride and machismo are usually the dominant reasons why people very often get involved in many unnecessary physical fights. Consequently, they neglect or at least forget all about their moral and social responsibilities.
By moralresponsibility, I mean the obligation one has to all those who surround their life and care about them such as friends and family. By social responsibility I mean the obligation one has as a human being to respect another so as to live in a safe and collective environment.
* Someone who is like a little brother to me as well as a 2nd generation Senshido Instructor, Daniel Tirado contributed the following:
* The world in which we live in is a world intoxicated with verbal pollution; we like to equate it to social anorexia. Whether we notice it or not, our language environment is filled with verbal abuse. Suzette Haden Elgin, leading expert on overcoming verbal abuse and author of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, explains in her book that verbal abuse rarely takes the form of one person yelling curses, obscenities or threats to another. That is only our common understanding of it. As a matter of fact, verbal abuse is more subtle and wide spread then we think or realize. It can take form in the tone of voice your spouse uses in response to a question, or a co-worker's choice of words in the office. Nothing is trivial in verbal abuse. In the long run, it can cause ulcers, heart attacks, misery, chronic fatigue, migraine headaches, etc. I can go on and on.
Hence, the ideal would be to engage in what Haden Elgin calls a "syntonic conversation." The term "syntonic" is often found in psychology or ancient music theory. When 2 radio sets are so well in tuned with respect to one another that they can be used to transmit information effectively and efficiently, they are said to be syntonic.
The difficulty in attaining a syntonic conversation is that in every discussion (not ‘conversation') we engage ourselves in, whether we are conscious of it or not, there is a constant ‘struggle for power' as James Redfield clearly explains in his fourth chapter of The Celestine Prophecy.
Indeed, when two individuals are having a discussion, one of two things can happen: the individual can come away feeling strong or feeling weak depending on what was said in the interaction. Humans are always in search of energy so, to prevail in a discussion, we feel the urge to steal it from another. Once we are successful in convincing our point of view, we receive what Redfield calls a "psychological boost." Consequently, whether we know it or not, our ego and self esteem are fed at the cost of stealing someone else's energy, thus making someone else feel weaker.
There are four basic principles offered by Haden Elgin to avoid verbal aggression:
1) KNOW THAT YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK.
Most of the times we don't know that we are being verbally attacked. Verbal abuse, as said earlier, is not always someone yelling threats or curses. Since communication is sixty percent body language, twenty percent tone of voice and only ten percent the actual words used in an interaction, verbal abuse can be cleverly masked when the attacker shows no physical signs of aggression and regulates his tone of voice.
So how do you know when you are being verbally abused? Trust your intuition. As Gavin De Becker says in The Gift of Fear, "intuition is a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you through risky situation". Verbal abuse, properly defined, is very simply language that hurts, causes harm and/or disease. Therefore, when you feel that you are being verbally aggressed, chances are, you probably are.
2) KNOW WHAT KIND OF ATTACK YOU ARE FACING.
Doctor Virginia Satire is a world-renowned family therapist who specializes in the language of people under stress. She came up with five categories of verbal conflict, aggression and passiveness that we will take a look at so as to know what kind of psychological profile we are facing when we are verbally abused or challenged.
BLAMING: Blamers often use threatening language and use words like "every", "all", "always", "anybody" and love to finger point. Their body language matches their words. They sound something like this: "Don't you ever listen to anyone?" "I told you to put the files in the other case, but you always have to do things your way."
Blamers generally feel the need to control and manipulate behavior to their advantage, they like to feel in control of the situation and be the ones to dictate the turn of events. If things aren't done their way or to their liking, that is when they will use verbal tactics to gain back their advantage such as the ones mentioned above. For example, "Don't you ever listen to anyone" states to the receiver that they are stubborn, non-cooperative and generally mistaken. This as a result, will begin to eat away at their self-confidence, create insecurity and in turn make them defensive towards not only blamers but unfortunately any general constructive criticism as well.
PLACATING: Those who placate use words and body language that express a desire to please. They seem agreeable but deep down they are terrified that people will get angry at what they would really like to say. They fear being judged and labeled. They often use expressions like "I don't care" "It's fine with me". For example: "If you guys want we'll spend New Year's at my place or if you want we'll all go to John's. Whatever you want is fine with me. I don't really care"
Placatory people are highly insecure individuals who fear being judged for having a mind of their own. They worry they might not be as well liked and that maybe they'll lose their friends because they have different tastes or ideas. This is not so much a verbal attack or assault, but in the long run will cause conflict due to the complacency of these individuals behavior's.
COMPUTING or as we like to call them ANDROIDS: A computer or Android's body language is close to no body language. They speak in generalities and abstractions. They give the impression they have no feelings or emotional content. They don't use the words "I" or "you". For example: "There is undoubtedly a good reason for this shortfall, no reasonable person would be upset about it." They also use terms like "Affirmative" or "Negative" for agreement or disagreement.
DISTRACTING: Distracters cycle rapidly through the other modes, switching body language as they go along. The impression they give is one of total disorganization and panic. You get a sentence of placating, another sentence of blaming, than a line or two of computing. Distracters sound something like this: "What is the matter with you people anyway? I mean, not that I care, come on you know me, I could put up with anything."
Or "However, common sense would seem to dictate that no rules be changed in the middle of the game, and I'm sick and tired of this kind of garbage."
These emotional roller coasters are in a "mind, spirit" state of confusion. They say something that elicits a response they are not prepared to handle then quickly try to rectify the situation by adding something else. Their aim is to get their point across without hurting anyone's feelings but if they are not being understood they will aggressively pursue their point.
LEVELING: Leveling can be recognized by the absence of the language behavior associated with the other four Satire modes. The leveler's words and the leveler's body language are in complete harmony with the leveler's inner feelings. Leveling is just the simple truth, as the leveler perceives it. The leveler is self-syntonic: "Listen I'll be frank with you, I don't like you so stop trying to be so nice cause it won't get you anywhere."
The leveler is blunt and doesn't care who he may hurt in the process. He's definitely not a hypocrite but his words may certainly offend.
3) KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOUR DEFENSE FIT THE ATTACK
No matter what you do, do not match together the same modes unless you want to add more fuel to the flame. Blaming a blamer means a scene; placating a placator means undignified delay, time is being wasted severely; computing a computer means dignified delay (it's a great way to stall); distracting a distracter means that panic is feeding panic; leveling with a leveler means syntonic communication, but, to what avail?
When you are being attacked, always make sure to identify the mode used by the attacker and try to make the defense fit the attack. Let's take for example this attack: "If you really cared about the budget, you wouldn't be spending money the way you do."
Now the attacker is expecting you to focus on the bit of the attack that states that you spend money in an inappropriate fashion. This is what we call the bait. The bait is the part of the attack that is designed to infuriate you.
Therefore ignore the bait. Instead, find the presupposition that will most effectively short circuit the attack. The presupposition in this case is that you don't really care about the budget. Thus, if you answer the attacker: "Since when do you think I don't care about the budget?" you will catch the attacker off guard. Hence, by answering the blamer with the leveling mode, you manipulate the attack so that it won't escalate to an argument.
An attacker using computing mode would say something like this: "If a person really cared about the budget, they wouldn't be spending money that way." The attack is very much the same. However the attacker is not addressing you directly however he or she is addressing you implicitly but indirectly (as the ‘person').
Again, ignore the bait and answer the presupposition: "I couldn't agree with you more, a person who did care about the budget would indeed in no way spend money that way." By doing so, you are interrupting the attacker's strategic pattern, therefor causing them to shift their focus.
4) KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW THROUGH
This principle, for many people, is the hardest one of all. People usually think they are unable to follow through when their pride or ego is offended: "I know what I should have done but I was not going to let him get away with it." This happens when an attack is so infuriating that the person hearing it ignores the goal of defusing the confrontation and goes into to conflict full force. This might feel good at the time. You might even think you won the confrontation with stronger arguments. However, this is a distortion of reality. The verbal abuser wants to engage in a conflict and create a scene. Therefore, by retaliating to his attack you are satisfying his desire. The verbal abuser marches you around and you lose.
Others think they are unable to follow through because they feel too guilty: "I knew what I ought to do but I just felt so guilty, I couldn't do it." This problem is based on a misconception. You feel that it is necessary to endure the verbal abuser because you think it is a kind thing to do. That is an incorrect assumption. The verbal abuser is addicted to the sense of power that comes from being able to make others miserable in that way.
When you feed that addiction, it is not kind, just like offering an alcoholic a drink is unkind. If you really want to be kind, refuse the victim role. Know how to follow through. Therefore, remember to ignore the bait and answer the presupposition of the attack with the appropriate Satire mode.
VERBAL DEFUSING / DISTRACTION AS STRATEGY
Although verbal abuse very often sneaks up on you without you even realizing, it also takes a more obvious form. Indeed, we can distinguish three types of verbal aggressions: one is more subtle and leaves you confused not knowing for sure whether you are being attacked or not yet still ill at ease; the other is obvious and assures you that you are being attacked. The former rarely escalates into physical combat (although it could lead to murder in extreme cases) while the latter will in most cases not end without bloodshed.
You obviously recognize being in danger when someone is yelling insults, curses or other obscenities at you. An important accompaniment to all these verbal aggressive displays is the body language of the attacker. Autonomic signals such as facial expressions, agitated and tensed-up muscular movements gear the attacker's body up ready for action. In such cases, it is imperative that you adopt a passive stance. This strategic fighting stance gives you a tremendous amount of security, thus more confidence and control over the situation and your own actions. In any case it is necessary to try and verbally defuse the confrontation as much as you can.
If verbal defusing seems pointless, use verbal distractions, which consists in distracting the attacker from his or her immediate goal by using verbal initiators such as congruous questions or dialogue.
By doing so, you are strategically buying some time to ask yourself these fundamental questions:
1)‘What is my environment?' Am I in a shopping mall? In an alley? In the woods?
2)‘What are my surroundings?' Am I standing against the wall, near the escalators, am I alone or with someone I know? A girlfriend, a boyfriend, a relative?
3)‘Who am I dealing with?' a drunk bum on the streets? A guy who has four friends waiting for him in the corner of a store? A sociopath? Is the attacker carrying a concealed weapon?
4) ‘How do I feel?' Am I fatigued, sick, hurt, physically impaired etc. Even if you know that you will inevitably get into a fight, verbal distraction will give you some time to be aware of all these things. It is imperative that you keep congruous behavioral tactics in the dialogue you choose.
Obviously one can say ‘how the hell can I think of all these things when my adrenaline is pouring in my blood and my heart starts beating faster every second?' The answer is easy. You shouldn't think about these things in any given circumstances; if you train your awareness regularly, it will come naturally. In confrontation, everything goes by so fast that you don't have time to think; you only have the time to react. However your reaction will be more strategic if it is based on a proactive choice. As you react, stay aware. Hence, verbal self-defense, even if ineffective in calming the attacker, still becomes a strategy allowing you to become aware of your environment and your surroundings.
As you are verbally defusing or distracting the attacker, it is extremely important that you keep your vision diffused. Vision diffusion means to avoid critical focus. When in critical focus your mind fully concentrates on what it sees, and nothing else in the peripheral. Therefore, never lock your eyes on the attacker and make sure to always look to the attacker's chest area so that you see all that surrounds you. Also by looking in the attacker's chest area and not strait into his or her eyes, you appear more vulnerable and submissive, thus feeding the attacker the illusion of power. On the other hand, if you look into the attacker's eyes, the attacker might take it as a sign of aggression and feel that you are challenging his or her threats. *End of Daniel's contribution
Verbal Defusing is a way to change your attacker's focus without letting him know you are doing so out of strategy. That is why behavioral tactics are extremely important in your choice of speech; keep your body language and tone of voice matching your words and the situation unfolding. In other words if a guy has you by the collar because he believes you were staring at his girlfriend, don't yell out "Hey Look… Superman!"
6)Expected behavior: The gestures, phrases or movements that would be expected of the average person in a given situation. In a violent confrontation, your attacker expects a certain behavioral pattern from you. It usually goes two ways for the attacker or so he hopes.
1.) He attacks and threatens. The intended victim freezes and panics. The attacker gets what he wants.
2.) He attacks and threatens. The victim attempts to fight back or struggle or does not immediately comply with the attacker. The attacker escalates the use of violence and profane language in order to show he's in charge and instills fear, doubt and hesitation in the intended victim. The victim falls for it, freezes and panics. The attacker gets what he wants.
As a strategy, do what the attacker expects of you at first. Act afraid, let him believe he has you where he wants you, at that point, he will think everything is going according to his plan. He will therefore be less defensive and over-confident. His ego will rise and his guard will drop. He'll be more open for mistakes based on your presumed compliance. That is when it becomes the ideal time to act.
7)Victim Assumption: Your attacker perceives you as being his victim, that is why he chose you. That is to be used to your advantage. Since your attacker sees you as being week and compliant, stick with that plan and let him use this illusion. This will lower his guard and raise his ego making him the perfect candidate for a brutal and completely unexpected physical retaliation. That is the ideal time to strike if necessary.
Thought process interruption/Distractions: These are techniques used to change the attackers focus. You see, the human brain cannot think of two completely different things at the exact same moment. Thoughts can overlap each other at an incredibly fast pace, but no two separate thoughts can occur at the exact same time.
So in the tradition of "Look! Superman!" thought process interruption could be verbal or physical such as asking an appropriate question or some dialogue that will shift the attackers attention away from his immediate goal. Or they can be physical, like pulling out a wallet or playing with your watch to shift his attention and sight towards your wrist in order to sucker strike him with the back of your hand.
9)Element of surprise: Due to the above 8 steps, the attacker will perceive you as a victim and that is a psychological edge for you. He will never expect you to fight back. Your attack will come as a complete surprise to him and shift him into defensive mode as opposed to offensive.
*Steps 5, 7, 8 and 9 are examples of manipulation of human behavior.
10)Retaliate With Certitude: From peacemaker to piece maker, when de-escalation fails, an attitude reversal is required and a commitment to your own life has to take place.
Once it is determined that the confrontation cannot be verbally defused and is escalating to a physical level you are left with no other choice. You have to fight back and fight like the devil. In the words of the immortal Yoda from the movie The Empire Strikes Back, "Just do it, don't try, trying implies possibility of failure". You've got to strike with confidence. This will send strong messages to your attacker. You've got to strike with everything you've got.
To get you hands on a copy of 'In Total Defense Of The Self' visit the secure online shop at www.protectselfdefence.co.nz (Member of the International Senshido Allinance).
About the Author
Phil Thompson is co-founder of Protect Self Defence. A keynote speaker and highly regarded self-protection expert, Phil leads seminars and instructs a huge variety of students in Protect programmes all over New Zealand and Australia.
Phil has over 25 years experience in martial arts training, achieving Black Belt level or higher in multiple styles. So he knows more than most about physical self-defence techniques. But Phil's impetus with Protect goes far beyond simply memorising techniques for physical conflicts, to dealing with the causes and effects of violence in a truly holistic way.
Phil believes that beyond the physical, effective self-protection involves a variety of behavioural, emotional, psychological, ethical and legal aspects. To understand them all is to truly feel safe.
He is a member of the International Law Enforcement Educators and Trainers Association and an acknowledged expert on the pre-contact stages of violent confrontation.
He is also the sole male in New Zealand to be certified by Richard Dimitri as a Senshido instructor (2006). Senshido is a highly influential form of self-defence that uses the body's own natural rhythms and responses to create easy-to-learn instinctive techniques.
Phil has taught self protection to many thousands of people through regular seminars and training sessions.
Students include members of the general public, as well as professionals not new to violence, such as police (including special tactics units), ambulance officers, armed forces personnel and customs officials.
He also regularly teaches corporates, businesses of all sizes, schools, special needs organisations and everyday men and women concerned about their safety and the safety of their loved ones.
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Inherited Collectible Gold Coins: How To Sell Them Safely
Perhaps you are one of the lucky few who have inherited a collection of gold coins and you wish to sell them to save money problems or to help you get by while you are still waiting to get an employment. Selling gold collectible coins is easy because there is always a demand for it most especially now that people want to invest in gold. However, it is important for you to know how to sell them safely because you do not want to fall prey to fraudulent businessmen. Here are some tips on how to safely sell your collectible gold coins.
Make a list of all the coins that you have. Take a picture of each coin and catalog it by writing down important information such as the year it was minted, brand, and type of coin and also take note if it has scratches, deformities or it is in top shape so that if you will have it appraised, you know very well that the same coin was returned to you and it was not exchanged with a coin that is in a very poor condition. Remember the condition of the coin will also affect its value.
Research
Gold collectible coins are usually worth more than their face value, gold content and weight. Before selling your coins you need to have an idea what is its estimated worth. You can do this by having it appraised by your local jeweler, local pawnshop or you can check in EBay for similar coins that are being auctioned. Check the closing price of similar coins sold at EBay so that you have a clear idea what is the potential value of your gold collectible coins. That way when you finally sell your coins you know if you are getting a fair offer or not.
In metropolitan areas, there are coin shows and grab the opportunity to attend so that you can talk to few certified gold coin dealers and you can ask them to check the value of your gold collectible coins for free. Check newspaper ads because once in a while, you will see announcement of coin shows to be held in your local area several times a year.
Making Comparisons
After doing your research extensively, you will finally have a benchmark value for your gold coins and you can start looking for buyers. Do not take the first offer immediately. You can sell your coins to the pawnshop or you can sell it to legitimate online gold buyers. Compare payout offers first before making a decision. To get started you can try checking the websites of online gold buyers and see if they can offer you the best value for your gold collectible coins. Do not be in a hurry in selling your gold coins. Take your time.
Home Décor: How to Hang a Mirror Perfectly at Home | Pottery Barn
Can You Wear These Styles
Are you confused? Do you head into a store all hopeful and happy and leave disgruntled and crabby? Some of you tell me that shopping has gotten to the point where you walk into the store filled with dread and a certainty you won't find anything – that's how often you've been disappointed.
Knowing what to buy and what looks good can feel tricky. I regularly get questions about particular styles and whether they are suited to someone over 40…and in some cases, anyone at all regardless of her age.
So, I thought we'd have a little fun with it. Let's talk about 5 fashion or makeup styles that are questionable at best and are, in some cases, absolute no-no's, especially for women over 40(ish).
1. Puffy Short Sleeves. We are not little girls anymore, and puffy sleeves have a tendency to infantilize grown women. Sure, it can depend on the degree of "puff" and the feeling of the rest of the outfit, but if you put something on and the first thing you see when you look in the mirror is a young girl staring back at you, it's probably best to leave it to the teenagers. If it is combined with a babydoll style top, don't even try it on.
2. Too Tight Tops. Not too long ago my partner and I were having lunch in our favorite restaurant and a group of women walked in – two young women and a third woman who we presumed to be their mother. The mother was wearing a white spandex, low cut top. It left absolutely nothing to the imagination (especially from behind) and was unflattering on too many levels to count. I felt sad for her because instead of making her look younger it made her look older.
Yes, the style these days is to wear everything super tight, and in some cases it can have a slimming effect (if the fabric has enough body to hold you in). But, more often than not the opposite is true. Combine that with the fact that the designers today (especially in the summer) have a tendency to make tops out of paper thin fabrics that forgive absolutely nothing and reveal everything. Whether or not you find it attractive, the one certainty is that it is distracting.
Always be sure the fit of your garments skims your body and the fabric glides rather than clings.
3. Too Short Pants. Pants that end at the ankle are universally unflattering. They will always make your legs look shorter and never hit you at a place that balances your body. Mostly, they just look like you washed your pants and they shrank but you didn't notice.
4. Heavy Eyeliner. Many women get stuck in a makeup rut wearing what they've always worn because it used to work. The problem is that what was fun and trendy when we were younger can look heavy and overwhelming when we are a tad older. So many women have come to me wearing a thick pencil or liquid eyeliner that probably was chic when they were 20 but now is distracting and just too much on their eyes. We see the eyeliner first and foremost and never get to notice the natural beauty of their eye color.
If this sounds familiar, switch for 10 days to using a powder liner on your upper lashline. Use a small liner brush and smudge it right between the lashes. Use a very dark brown, charcoal or even black. This look has a lot of impact without looking overwhelming.
Wearing eye makeup in a new way can be one of the hardest things for a woman to get used to. It is true that when we've seen ourselves the same way for many years, we almost don't recognize our faces when the makeup changes. Even seemingly subtle changes have a big impact, which is why I suggest wearing your new look for 10 days before you decide (plus it can take you a little while to feel comfortable with a new technique).
5. Unnatural Lip Line. As we get older our lips get thinner. This is bad news for those of us who naturally have thinner lips. Knowing how to plump them up a bit without using injectibles is tricky. I've noticed women lining outside their natural lipliner with a lip pencil or wearing their lipstick slightly outside the natural line. Please don't. Mostly it makes you look a bit like Goldie Hawn in "First Wives Club" and looks simply curious at best.
I understand this issue since I have a naturally thin upper lip. I use a very natural colored dry (not creamy) lip pencil to line just at the upper edge of my natural line. The color looks like my natural lips and that's about as much as I can push it without it looking kind of scary! In case you're interested, this is the lip liner I use: BWC Pinky Brown Lip Liner http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/makeup.shtml#lipsThe dryness of the pencil helps keep lipstick from bleeding.
And, when it comes to choosing a lipstick color, keep it in the light or medium range – never dark. And, smile a lot!
I want to be sure to acknowledge that fashion is not an exact science. I'll be the first to say that. You will definitely find exceptions to every rule, and I am definitely one for trying new things and exploring new styles. That said, the ones I shared above are fashions that unless you are absolutely, positively sure you can pull them off, let someone else experiment with them. I promise that there are so many other beautiful styles out there that it's really not necessary to try to "make" something work. If you have to try that hard it generally isn't worth it, and you won't miss anything by leaving it out.
Are you a woman over 40 who has your own list of questionable styles? Please share!
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Thought process interruption/Distractions: These are techniques used to change the attackers focus. You see, the human brain cannot think of two completely different things at the exact same moment. Thoughts can overlap each other at an incredibly fast pace, but no two separate thoughts can occur at the exact same time. 
